Back to then.

Where am I?. What am I doing?.

Feels like I can almost hear my thoughts. I was disappointed this morning, seriously. The first thought that entered my mind was - eh? I'm awake? Why?..

I'm halfway through this week. I'm struggling to finish it, cos this week is important and I can't let emotions mess it up. Just a little more. It'll be over soon. Next week is free.

I can almost hear myself laugh at my own pathetic state right now. Come on, someone like me, in such a state? Certainly unimaginable.

And OMG! I just got pranked! Yupp it was a well pulled off prank. Totally got me man!! But I enjoyed the trick is guess. It really lifted the emotional bind for a bit.

Busy day tomorrow, and I hope everything works out great.

"...yo, it's been a while, king."

Aching Heart.

Today wasn't bad, but not as good as what I'd expected.

Saturation today was ok, just perhaps a little less people. Then went to church office, got some flyers, and stayed there a couple of hours reading a book on Christian parenting. Interesting.

Visitation was good though, and so was dinner. (: That's gotta be the best thing today.

And my heart literally hurt. Inside out. At the rate that it's hurting emotionally and physically, I can't see a bright enough future. Oh well. Let's just hope tomorrow ain't gonna be worse.

Is it my mistake again?. Why?

Trough dip.

It's a totally uneventful day. Except for the short transport meeting for the coming big day.

No tuition, postponed yet again, as much as I'd expected.

Saturation and visitation tomorrow! (:

At the end of it, you made the hope blurry.

For the moment.

Ah! Tonight actually ended happy. (:

Service with Pst Kong was good. I believe deliverance is coming, REAL SOON! YES!

Did busing for return trip, and felt happy to see some kids whom I haven't seen for a couple of weeks. They're just so cute!

Relaxed a bit after that, and went for tuition in the evening. I think this kid's tuition won't last long anymore, given his current attitude, unless he decides to change after what I've told him. All that's left is GOD to help him.

This week will be fun! Even though it will be busy, serving in children's church for GOD is still great! It's definitely true that you need passion to serve well. No wonder GG's first good helper session talked about passion!

Have I found you? I think I just might have! All that's left is HIS confirmation.

Taming the hollow.

Wow, it's a tiring day.

Did busing in the morning, and it was okay though some things didn't go all that well. Maybe it's time for a change in strategy.

Went to Betty's place with some CG folks for a gathering since her birthday is coming and she invited us. It was great fellowship though there were just a few of us at the table. (:

Actually, I've lots of thoughts, but right now all I that's in my mind is whether I should suppress that other half of me, or release it.

I'm missing you, so much so perhaps it's already sub-conscious.

Conceptual.

Yes today's a wonderfully busy day!

Had breakfast with dad, and rushed over to church office to help out again! This time managed to clear quite a bit, and so I guess a huge portion is done for now. :D

Went visiting first with my ZS, and though it was a bit of a hurry, it was good and she was nice enough to even drive me back to AMK! (: Continued visiting my own group from there, and so the busy day ended really well.

Tomorrow's yet another busy day, from morning to night in fact. But at least this holiday is meaningfully spent. To serve GOD is really a priviledge, and the joy which you derive from it is totally in its own class!

You represent a part of what I look forward to each day. And you know it.

Moon in the water.

Heys! Guess I didn't do that much for today, except tidy up the remaining of my laptop's files. So I'm pretty much done. Now it's just backing up, and tidy the netbook and my room.

CGM was great today too! Had prata and ice cream! Wow really eat until shiok sia. :D

Tomorrow is surely going to be wonderful cos it's visitation again! (: So happy I'll be seeing the kids, but sad that one of them got chicken pox. Might not get to see her for 2 weeks. :/

After this week's busy-ness and stuff, I do realise I've more to grow! Yup and it'll definitely prepare me to take on more roles and do well in them. So yes, everything had a purpose, and only GOD can say "it's just as planned" in every situation.

I wonder if I'm pretty much done with you. But yet, something inside me knows better.

Downcast.

I'm so going to sleep. Now.

It's a long and tiring day. Did saturation with another helper and it was fun! (: Had lunch at AMK hub after that. It's been a while since I had a chance to have lunch like that.

Went home, and went back to AMK again for visitation. Didn't manage to visit as many kids as I'd expected, but still, it was great. It's good knowing that we're making an impact on the children's lives.

Oh, and tuition's postponed again.

Gosh, was I holding back? Still, did you know I was thinking about you the whole time?

A lesson in pain.

Heys. I see my sleep coming soon. It's been a long and tiring day, with lots of fruitful work, and lots of stomach pain.

Today is timetable selection. And most of my class' folks disappeared. Nope, in fact none of them were online. Maybe it's attributed to MSN being supposedly down. But what's more disturbing was that some people simply refused to reply my sms. Perhaps the people I trusted the most of the whole lot. Thanks ah.

The betrayal you can see is trivial. What is truly fearsome, is the betrayal that you don't see.

Never mind. I'll treat it as I've misjudged you, and I've learnt something. I guess the day I suppose I'll make that decision is coming sooner than I thought.

Well, so I end up randomly picking a class, and I'm stuck with some people whom I obviously don't want to end up with. Still, it's not going to affect how I achieve my aim. Too bad.

Yes, tomorrow will be saturation and visitation! I'm sure it'll be a fun time.

No matter how you run, you just can't seem to run out of a circle.

Cravings.

Hoho, 2:48am and I've just gotten back from mac with my sis! Finally satisfied my cravings for eating mac late at night! (:

Today was uneventful, cos tuition for one of my kids was postponed to Thursday. Oh well, hopefully that doesn't get postponed anymore.

So I spent the afternoon doing nothing much in particular, and started tidying up one of my laptop's files in the evening. I guess I'm at least halfway done at this point. All that's left is to finish tidying up that laptop, then my netbook and finally my external hard disk. And my table needs tidying too.

*Random: I want to buy an iPod Touch.

Need to wake up at 8am later, cos one of my kid's tuition changed to 8:30am. Darn. He's always like this. Not sure if I would need to go down to church office to help out later, and there's prayer meeting at night. It's going to be tiring tomorrow I guess. But fruitful.

It's been a while. What's this reluctance to sharpen my resolve?

Where life is uncertain.

I love my church even more, after today. After learning more about the kinds of criticisms given by all sorts of people, and experiencing first-hand the positive impact the church has on people around me, I appreciate the church for all that it has and will continue to do! (:

Service as usual, and movie outing with the cellgroup after that. Watch Kaiji and it was an interesting movie. It tries to communicate to its viewers that you won't make it big unless you work hard.

A new week is starting, and busy as it may seem, I'm sure something good will happen! (: Off to bed now, it's late.

Being clear on my intent isn't enough. I need to sharpen my resolve. For who can you cut with your sword sheathed?

Let the rain fall down...

Well I was supposed to finish writing this by 10+ and go to bed, but my bro's com had a problem and so it's 11++ and I'm still here. Darn.

I'm listening to Come clean by Hilary Duff. It's an old song but it's nice.

Today's busing was great! Brought the kids to Bishan fire station, and there they had lots of fun with all the fire fighting equipment and even joyrides on the Red Rhino and the ambulance. I'm so happy to see all these kids having fun.

Came back, finished up with reports, and later on went down to City Hall for a meeting for our WYZ Zone's easter retention plan. Well, I've got more work to do now, since I'm part of the logistics team. It's going to be an interesting retention plan cos we're going to do a makeover for the house of a not-so-well off family.

Tomorrow is yet ANOTHER long day. I'm really starting to feel very tired. Ahhhh... Okay the coming weeks are also going to be busy. What a 'holiday'. But at least my ministry is something I love doing. (:

Hey. You know it, don't you? I've fallen so far.

Bloop bloop.

Woo! First off, the morning started with a shock. Apparently I was thinking a lot about my grades last night, so I actually had a nightmare that I did badly for my sem2. Thankfully, except for that stupid LMS which I got B, I managed to once again get AD for the rest of my modules! While my GPA dropped from 3.9 to 3.8 cos this sem's IS module weighs heavier, I thank GOD that HE has helped me get this set of wonderful grades!

Never was, and never will be possible without GOD!

Then went for the meeting with my JC friend, who wanted to intro me to an MLM/network marketing business. TBH, I actually have quite a fair bit of know-how and knowledge on such stuff.

Then went for visitation! I actually took way longer than I expected. Ran through the rain here and there, because I just prayed, and I know that the works of GOD cannot be stopped by rain! (: Even spent 2 hours at a kid's house just to spend quality time with them. I enjoyed every moment of it, because I know that I'm sowing into the lives of each and every one of these precious kids!

It's 3am now, and I'm waking up at 7am. Tomorrow's going to be a super long and busy day, from morning to night, so I'd definitely need supernatural strength again! (:

I want to reach the gigantic destiny that has been planned out for me. Right from the start, I knew deep inside that I would not, and never would, settle for small things because I serve a BIG GOD and HE made me for BIG things too!

You always make me reluctant to let go. Shall we cross paths and remain intertwined?

Raining, inside out.

Hoho it's a rainy day today! It really rained a lot, and just when I thought the rain was over, it ended up raining again. So I didn't visit nor teach tuition. Instead, I went to Tampines and got my 2 car models! Audi R8 and Bentley Continental GT.

Had a good CGM in the evening.

Ah my nose is acting up again. I think I'm pretty sure I'm starting to get heaty cos some parts of my throat actually hurt for a bit, and my nose is like this. Plus that irritating pimple in my nose. AHHH!

Okay I'm going to sleep. It's results tomorrow!

I thought I expected much, but perhaps You've planned much more for me than what I expected?

Destined to be BIG.

It's a really fun evening! (:

Went to church office to help out for the whole afternoon, and really enjoyed it. At the very least, I know I'm serving a wonderful GOD and helping out the people in my ministry!

Then went for visitation after that. It was a really blessed visitation, because one of my kids, a 4 year old, seems really happy to be visited! She's really adorable and I guess she's beginning to open up more to us, so that's a sign that she's comfortable! It's always great to see such kids being integrated into the group.

Today, GOD has reminded me that there's a calling for everyone. You don't go where there's no calling, and where you're called, you have to go because even if you don't, GOD's will cannot be changed. So go where you're called unless you want to be like Jonah and learn it the hard way! :D

I'm really certain that GOD has great plans for me. 5 aspects of my life, and I see great destinies in all of them. I was reading the bible and GOD revealed to me that it's only in due time that these things will happen since His will is as certain as each morning comes and as the rain falls!

Fulfillment of destiny. Are you a part of it?

Absence makes the heart...

What an ordinary Tuesday!

Okay so nothing much, except tuition in the afternoon. Oh and I had my haircut today, followed by KFC with my bro. Bought some back for dad too, and he was really happy about it. (:

Tomorrow's a long and busy day, but it's going to be meaningful.

Thought post:
It's really been going on for quite a while already, and I'm still waiting for a direction from GOD. Cos I'm just stuck, stuck in a rut. I too, seek to understand the heart, but has yet been able to grasp it. You know I'm serious, but you just refuse to acknowledge it? Yeah, how it goes, really depends on GOD from here on out. I know there's nothing else within my means already.

In You I trust, in her I desire.

Light up my Path.

1:37am. I suppose it'll be yet another night that will take me a long while to get to sleep.

Today's highlight was Pst Kong's youth meeting. He shared his burden of the youth in our church, that we need to raise up more youths to be the next generation that will lead the church.

GOD is real, so real. I believe that soon, I'm going to break into the next phase of my life. Where things are going to change dramatically in every aspect of my life. GOD I'm ready, just show me how...

Your grace is enough, more than I need. At Your word, I will believe.

Black coffin's imprisonment.

Yes it's only 1am, and I am so going to sleep already.

Finally, I've graduated from CCH's MIC! (: It's been a while, and I actually managed to complete it. So I'm perhaps one step closer to achieving GOD's plan for me in ministry. Had a wonderful late lunch with GG Zone's folks after that.

Tuition in the evening was terrible, cos my student is getting from bad to worse. Like, seriously. An accurate way of describing his current standard is that it is 5 years worse than where he should be at now. It's getting hard, and this I might just close this door soon, so GOD please open another one for me cos I'm sure it'll only get better!

It's going to get busier this coming week, but I still hope to sleep by 1am everyday. Latest.

It's this way, because I left my heart with you.

Lala lala, elmo's world...

It's elmo! Cute ain't it? Yupp and it's going to be given to one of the kids in the AMK group! (:

That, which touched my heart.

Oh am I really tired or what! Haha. I couldn't believe I slept for only 2.5hrs last night, simply because I couldn't fall asleep! And so I had a tough day today, but by the grace of GOD I pulled through.

Thank GOD for good weather, even though it rained heavily immediately after I finished my busing and I had to walk a long way to the bus stop, because all the kids managed to get home before the heavy rain! :D It's really learning to give thanks to GOD even though things don't seem all that good.

Had a hard time with my tuition kid, and I really hope that he'll change his character and mindset.

Well, had Arise and Build during children's church service, and I felt GOD asking me to give too. So I just followed the spirit and almost emptied my wallet. It's one of those times where you'll know you gave right from the bottom of your heart, because it felt so overwhelming not for the amount of money, but for the amount of gratitude to GOD. It's been a harsh period for a long while now, and GOD I know, you're bringing me out real soon. If I have the faith to ask, to believe and to receive, then I SHALL have it!

Deep in my heart, you're who I really desire all this while. It's true.

A purpose.

It's a long day, and at 2:42am now, I'm definitely going to sleep by 3am. Why am I still awake at such an hour?..

Waking up later than usual since I slept at 5am yesterday. Totally completed my Bleach:SC2 game, and went for visitation in the evening! (: Lots of fun with the kids, and it just feels so good to know that these kids really appreciate our weekly visitations!

Today's post is like a thought-post eh. My favourite kind.

So on the way back home after visitation, I was working on stuff on my laptop. Then thoughts came to my mind, and I suddenly realised just how important a purpose is to a person's existence! It's the ONE and ONLY thing that keeps anyone from ending his life prematurely.

I realised that many times when I feel that life just isn't bearable anymore, are the times where I have close to no purpose at all. Or perhaps it's the way GOD has created me, that makes me feel that my existence is meaningless without a higher purpose. At times, it's wonderful to know just how GOD has made a way of escape for me whenever life get rough and tough to a point where it makes me feel as though the end is near.

Well, at least now I know what makes my existence meaningful. It's purpose.

After all this while, all I seek to understand and grasp, is the heart. Your heart.

The heart.

心在るが故に妬み

心在るが故に喰らい

心在るが故に奪い

心在るが故に傲り

心在るが故に惰り（あなどり）

心在るが故に怒り

心在るが故に

お前のすべてを欲する

If you're curious enough to know, do translate it. (:

Heck it's nearly 4:30am. What am I doing now? Oh, I'm reading on a forum, people's analysis of a character in the Bleach manga.. Ulquiorra Schiffer. Yup it's so interesting it's keeping me awake.

Well, today wasn't all bad. Like I managed to clear a huge chunk of work, and had a wonderful cellgroup meeting. Didn't go for visitation to though due to some last minute changes. But I'll still visit my own group's kids tomorrow! (:

Perhaps I should really sleep soon. But I'm hungry. And I still wanna read more! Darn.

What is the heart, that I so desire?

A cut above the rest.

Yes it's 4+am! I hope I really can sleep soon.

It's been quite a day, and after waking up, having lunch, went over to church office to help out with stuff. Finally left at 6+ and went to Suntec Mall and added yet another car to my collection! It's the 2010 Ford Shelby GT500.

Met my ministry leader there, and had a chat with her before coming back. Was supposed to have tuition today but the kid changed it last minute. I'm so fedup with his disorganised attitude. He said that he had bible study class today, which he had known way beforehand, and yet he arranged tuition on today. He's definitely going to get a dressing down on Saturday when I see him.

That aside, came back, and started on my second work assignment. Took me 6 hours! But now I've finally finished it. Done with songsheet for tomorrow's CGM too, and man I think it looks way better than any songsheet we had previously. Of course.. since I took an effort this time round to make designs on it. (:

Well, during the time I spent to do that assignment, GOD suddenly reminded me of a verse in the bible which talks about humble beginnings.. Zechariah 4:10. I'm still pondering over it, and I wanna receive a direction which I believe will come from this verse.

Yes, see? You can't really run from what you instinctively are!~

Restless.

Seriously, nowadays I'm not even asleep before 3am. And I'm just restless the whole day. The holidays has definitely made me much more lethargic.

Okay I've actually stopped re-watching Bleach, but then again it's because I've already finished 200+ episodes and I'm back at where it's supposed to continue tomorrow. I'm so hardcore whenever I wanna do something. And thus I've actually COMPLETED ALL THE MAPS for Bleach Soul Carnival 2 game! I'm really mad. -_- So now I've finally time to concentrate on clearing all the stuff I need to clear! (:

Going to CHC office later to help out with some admin stuff, and a good chance to shop around Suntec again! Hopefully there'll be some good finds. Who knows, I can expand my car collection again.

My table area is now a huge rubbish dump. I'm going to clear it up hopefully over the next 2 days.

I'm wondering what you're thinking, yet I'm afraid to ask.

... It's a matter of time.

Guess I could say I didn't do much today. Woke up late, and just watched Bleach. So, I suppose I'll have to start to do some of the stuff which I need to clear tomorrow. What a pain.

This quiet, empty feeling keeps tugging at me constantly. It's there all over the house and there isn't even much I could do about it. Is this the price to pay for my choices? Who knows.. It's like I've been running in circles all this while, since I've observed the same pattern going on for a while already. Perhaps it's time to figure out how to break out of this circle.

And I've gotta tidy my desk soon! It's going to become a rubbish pile otherwise. Not that it isn't right now..

It's off to sleep soon, and I've been having weird dreams at night these days.

A little messed up.

Ah, it's end of the first week of holidays. 6 more to go?

Saturday was okay actually. During children's church service, I saw how even a 4-year old kid was praising and worshiping and felt so touched. Some of the adults should be ashamed I suppose.

And today was tiring, maybe cos I might have gotten a flu bug from my tuition kid. Darn, must be the lack of good rest. Well, it's hard to fall asleep fast these days. Oh, and our church's moving to Suntec next year! It's going to be awesome! (:

So, I wonder how this week's gonna go eh. I sure hope something's going to change. Meanwhile, I'll just bear with it.

up and down.

I'm so frustrated, it's no wonder I'm back to blogging. Oh well, at least I've some place to write my thoughts.

It's been a week half packed with stuff to do. Even with the amount of tasks for a holiday, it still feels like nothing much has changed. Perhaps it's because the crucial thing hasn't changed. So today was so boring that I just watched bleach episodes. I realised there's lots of wisdom even in the show.

Of course the good thing for today is that I've some projects lined-up for when school reopens again, which is good since that project means money. Money and studies are big issues for me, but no matter how bad they are, they're not going to be a source of worry for me since I've fully entrusted it to GOD.

Tomorrow is a usual Saturday, and I'm not really expecting anything extraordinary to happen.